Letter to a Friend Who Thinks I Don’t Care as much as She Does

Sorry I don’t have time to read your entire screed.

During the G.W. Bush administration, I worked my ass of to produce a line of t-shirts called AlternaTees to help people wake up.  I produced my first NO WAR ON IRAQ t-shirt in APRIL 2002, a year before they invaded.  I sold 14 of them illegally at a march in D.C., that was my first sales day ever.
I hated the work, but I had personal blockages about doing the work I’m really meant to do, which is writing.  So I worked my ass off, selling some t-shirts for fun in order to fund the more serious messages such as the one attached.  In the end, I sold about 8,000 t-shirts, and then my life collapsed from drug and alcohol abuse, due to unprocessed content from my shitty childhood, including failure of relationship with my Mom and a molestation that no one knows about.
These things happened to me when I was so young that the only thing I could do was dissociate from myself, and since then I’ve always lived in a half-here half-nowhere space where it is very hard to stay grounded and accomplish anything.  Meanwhile I was angry and lonely and hurt and confused and no one understood what was happening to me and I could never put together the resources to have a stable lifestyle and find a therapist who could help.  I took tons of psychological trainings and workshops, trying to figure out what had happened and what I could do about it.
Meanwhile, I have had dozens of letters to the editor published on various subjects mostly having to do with social justice, and have written to public officials so much that the White House and Sen. Eliz. Warren both have my incoming fax number blocked in their offices.  I have been present at protests, I have worked with organizations producing and strategizing for change.
I also was one of two people who founded a plastic recycling initiative at the Park Slope Food Coop in Brooklyn, membership 12K.  I am probably responsible for the removal of 70 tons or more of hard plastic from the waste stream.  That was about 10 years ago, I think they are still doing it.  I’m still passionate about recycling.  I harass the nurses endlessly at the dialysis clinic to give me stuff I can take home.
When the GMO-labeling preemption bill was going through Congress last summer, I followed it closely.  I wrote TWICE to the Committee while the bill was in there, begging them to kill it.  Then, when it went to the Senate, I faxed a detailed letter to 97 Senators explaining the fraudulent basis of GMO presence in our food supply and agriculture, the crimes of the FDA.  When it went to the House, it was just too much for me to communicate to over 400 Representatives.  When it went to Obama for signature, I sent my letter to him again, but this time I handwrote it on a 20″ by 30″ piece of foamcore, and mailed it to the White House as a giant post card, hoping 25 million people would read it somehow on the way.
This is not a complete recitation of the actions I have taken to try to precipitate change or to try to stop the crimes of the corporate state.  Each day, in some small way, I have taken some action to either make myself better, or the world better, or to stop a crime or a problem, or to help my 90 year old landlady, or whatever was in front of me that I could do that might accomplish some small amount of good.
And why do I have to explain this to you?  Do I care what you think?  Well, a little bit.  I guess more than anything, I’m engaged with you because you’re engaged with me and because I don’t know what will happen, maybe the magic thing will happen that I’m waiting for, which I don’t know what it is but it could be good.  Maybe God will see me and explode with such happiness that all stupidity will be erased.  And make no mistake, there is a God.  There is also a devil, although the Devil may in fact be an errant human being, I’m not sure.  An errant being of some kind.
So, to take a page from your book of straight talk that doesn’t have to consider other people’s feelings, shut the f**k up, woman whose name begins with ‘D’.  You don’t know what you’re talking about.
And I had a bad day today, my laptop was stolen from the library for the second time in 3 years.  I haven’t even bothered to tell the cops, they did nothing last time.

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